Getting started is so hard.
In the new year you may have all kinds of resolutions: diet change, exercise, mindfulness, gratefulness, vulnerability, more productivity at work, better alignment to goals, more strategic choices, less anger, less swear words, journaling, more time with the kids, less social media, digital minimalism.
This is where the overwhelm begins.
Minimal effort needed
There’s so much to change and not enough time to change it. You’re overwhelmed. And so your best intentions end with a glass of wine rather than a new habit.
So, stop trying to do “all the things” and focus on the one thing you will change. So of the list above, choose one. You may want to change the thirteen other things, but you are not machine with the ability to change multiple vectors at once.
Secondly, do just enough to change behavior. In Tim Ferriss’s The 4-Hour Body, Tim suggests investing the least minimal effort you need to in order to accomplish something. The minimal effective dose basically says, “to boil water, the [minimal effective dose] is 212°F (100°C) at standard air pressure. Boiled is boiled. Higher temperatures will not make it more boiled.” Tim explains the extra effort you put in only gives you a few more percentage points. Is it worth that effort to get that 2.5%? Unless you’re an elite athlete, probably not. IT IS NOT about being mindful the entire year and meditating for 2 hours a day without fail. It’s about the 5 minutes today, which is feasible.
Habit
To accomplish a habit, you must first discover your “When”. For most humans, first thing in the morning is the best time. Why? Because you run out of the exhaustible resource of willpower. Ergo, if you think you’re going to do whatever you’re going to do after work, you are wrong. You need to do whatever you’re going to do at 5:00 in the morning. Or, if you can really commit to another time (like your lunch hour or after the kids are in bed), that is your goal in time.
Extrinsic reward
Find an extrinsic reward. That’s right I didn’t say intrinsic. Find something to validate your efforts, something that is greater than yourself. Let’s call it applause. You may think this is non-sense, but this is the same reason why social-media gets all your time; a social reward system gets activated with each comment, share or like.
But how does one get that applause from eating sardines for the third day in a row instead of choosing pizza or for doing 5 minutes of mindfulness in the morning? That’s what you have to discover, but here are some examples: a friend or partner you interact with daily whom can give you kudos, an app that has feedback, taking a picture you take of yourself daily (if weight-loss is your game), making checklist that you can check off. Find what feels rewarding and authentic to you.
Caution: avoid the urge to make alcohol or food that extrinsic reward, as those rewards can oftentimes derail your health.
Permission to fail
Finally, you have permission to fail.
First-time failure often has catastrophic effects. Without the understanding that derailment does not mean total failure, you give up and chastise yourself. Let’s say you were attempting to eat low-carb and have a piece of cake at a work function. Subsequently, you beat yourself up and rationalize, “well I might as well have another piece and pizza for dinner because I’ve ruined it all”.
Permission-to-fail also lets us get beyond “what I am doing is not working”. If you don’t see immediate results in meditation, you can convince yourself it isn’t working. If journaling isn’t removing your anxiety, then journaling “is garbage”. If you don’t have a six pack, then you might as well stop going to yoga. The truth is, you need to give your new practice time.
So, FAIL! And then get up and then try again reminding yourself of all the work you did to get this far. And that you are one spectacular human being.
So, please (1) choose the one thing and do the minimum, (2) make it a habit, (3) reward yourself and (4) get up and try, try again. With time you will find that you have made your habit a lifestyle and you are one step closer to your best self.
